Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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