Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
