I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
