The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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