she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
