if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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