trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
