my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
