my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
