I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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