guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
