This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
