I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Enjoy the penises
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
