The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We had sex on a dog bed..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
