i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
