I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
