So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
