So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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