my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
