she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
