i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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