wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
