YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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