Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
