So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
