Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
