so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i've created a new STD.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
