I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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