Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
