We won't sleep together?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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