I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm just crazy horny about you
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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