They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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