Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
