He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
