I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
