Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
