I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
