Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
did i just pee glitter
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
