I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
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