no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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