Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
