loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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