I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
