hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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