I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
