I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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