if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
