If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
