Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
