i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
