I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
