You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
