The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
