I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
