census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
