So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
