I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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