and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
